Soul Food

#reverb10 Prompt: Soul food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

I wish I could remember eating anything that caught my attention, but I don’t.

Everything’s OK

#reverb10 Prompt: Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

The best moment for me was at the end of November, while working on developing self-acceptance, I recorded in my journal that the real me is being held captive; wrapped up in  bramble bushes and barbed wire, in the form of labels, judgments, fears and guilt and that I need to push these things out of the way in order to experience my true self.

I closed my eyes and a vivid picture came to me of darkness surrounding an object wrapped in barbed wire with a light inside shining through the gaps between the wire and bushes.  Inside was a young girl peeping out.  It felt so real.

At that moment I knew that I had to free my inner child to play and explore.  The freedom that I have given myself is what I’ll be using to propel me forward to practice my art in the coming year.

Name

#reverb10 Prompt: New name. Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

Hello, my name is Lolita.

I chose that name because it sounds naughty to me and to most people I am very conservative.

Travel

#reverb10 Prompt: Travel. How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

I stayed at home a lot in 2010 and avoided going out at all.  The furthest that I travelled was to San Fernando in south Trinidad (over 40 miles) by bus.

Next year, if I get my passport renewed in time, and the offer still stands, I will travel by air to the United Kingdom with my brother.

Future Self

#reverb10 Prompt: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

In five years time, I will be working in my studio full time.  What I would tell my current self is that over the next year,  I have to make sure that I learn as much as possible, practice, practice, practice and never give up, no matter who or what gets in my way.   When obstacles come, experience them, learn from them, but move on; do not linger.  I have a lot of work to do and experience to gain in order to produce a body of work for the public.

To my younger self, I would say:

Get it together and keep it together.  Don’t listen to the voices in your head that are trying to scatter you.  Don’t listen to the voices outside your head, telling you what they think you should be doing.  No one else knows what is best for you.

You are agonising over leaving your job of fifteen years to work on your own, but it is the best thing you will do to propel yourself forward to the next stage of your life.  Your life will take on a totally different focus and the things that matter to you now will no longer be important.

Make a plan, revise it, pray on it, use it.  You will amaze yourself with what you can do. You have a gold mine within you.

Do not be pulled in to other people’s drama, and there will be a lot.  Live your life not anyone else’s.

Do not be concerned.  God will provide.  Just show up and do your work.  The next ten years will definitely not be a breeze;  and that is why you need to take care of yourself, love yourself, appreciate and trust yourself, so that you will be able to handle the drama that is coming your way.

Beyond Avoidance

#reverb10Prompt: Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

Practicing and creating art that would eventually lead to me becoming a full-time artist/craftsperson, should have been my main focus this year.

By March, I don’t know what threw me off, but I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough.  I dug myself deeper into self-doubt until I believed that I may as well give up, and I did.

I am trying once more to work toward this goal in 2011, armed with few new tactics to keep me going.

Healing

#reverb10 Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

Observing Advent and resuming meditation has helped me with my quest for self-acceptance this year.  So, December has been my evolution month.

I would like 2011 to be the year I fully accept myself as I am.

Try

#reverb10 Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

Next year I want to learn proper watercolour painting techniques and complete at least one painting.

In 2010 I wanted to organise a studio for myself.  I rearranged a room we use for storage, painted some shelves and started sorting and packing my tools and supplies.  It was such a massive organisation project that I became overwhelmed and gave up.

I resumed at the beginning of December and am ready to rearrange again.  I will not; however, because I need to settle down and make some art.

 

Lesson Learned

#reverb10 Prompt: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I learned that I am resilient. Even though I have been discouraging myself these past twelve months, procrastinating and distracting myself, I still believe I can create the life that I want.

Because I know I can and I know it’s just fear holding me back, I am trying again in 2011 to become a practising artist – not a wishful thinker.

 

Friendship

#reverb10 Prompt: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

My friends are like the hairs on an aging, balding man – few and far between.

I do not spend a lot of time with friends, so have not been influenced by anyone this year.